FAN TO FOLLOWER

In 2013 a pastor named Kyle Idleman created a study entitled “Not A Fan, A Follower’s Story”.  It clearly described the difference between a fan of God and a follower of God.  When my wife suggested that I share my spiritual story, I couldn’t think of a better title than “Fan to Follower” to label my testimony.

Most of my school days were in Cincinnati.  The public school system was heavily influenced by German immigrants.  The system was very regimented.  The emphasis was on developing core values, physical fitness, knowledge of the sciences, classical literature, art, and music.  The physical education started with gymnastics.  We regularly trained in such activities as tumbling, rings, horizontal bar, horse, and parallel bar.  Climbing a pole and a rope to the ceiling of the gym was a regular event.  We were encouraged to study Latin in order to understand Mass.  In grade school, we went every week to a church down the street where we learned of Biblical heroes and their positive characteristics.  As we studied their lives, we were encouraged to follow their positive values.  Those were the same values our parents held and the church taught.  Outside organizations like scouting supported them, also.  So, it wasn’t long before every student knew what was expected of them.  I’m not saying we followed the core values all the time, but we had no doubt what they were.

By the time we reached high school, we were expected to have chosen if we wanted to pursue the study of a trade, or if we wanted to prepare for college.  That determined where we attended high school.  I chose the college prep track.  I aimed at training to be an engineer.  I loved math, physical science, history, and physical education.  I enjoyed designing and building almost anything.  I loved a variety of sports.  The kids in our neighborhood spent most of our time after school playing some sort of ball in the streets or in a vacant lot.

Our family attended a mainline church with some regularity, so I was exposed to the liturgy, creeds, and prayers that were repeated weekly.  Interestingly, my most spiritual experiences were in physics class.  As we studied the human eye, human hand, etc., I was fully convinced that there was a Designer because I saw amazing design.  I was fully convinced that there was a Creator, because I saw amazing creation.  The further I advanced in my studies, the more I became a fan of God, the Designer and Creator.

I was exposed to Darwinian evolution early on.  It was taught in the biological science classes.  I read the text books, looked at the charts, visited the natural museums, and watched the movies.  Never once do I remember thinking any of it was true.  To me, it was nonsense.  I was a fan of the Creator and they expected me to believe that everything I saw was the result of matter plus time plus chance.  My primary physics instructor in high school often pointed out the “Hand of God” being involved in the design of the universe.  I saw Darwin’s theory of evolution as a silly attempt to replace the Creator.

In our home, faith was not discussed at length.  My parents most likely believed I was getting input from church.  I’ve since learned from material I found, how deep the faith of my parents really was.  In fact, they had amazing insights that I was not aware of at the time.  For example, after my father’s death, I found a notebook of lesson plans for a class he taught after I left for college.  They were excellent and revealed that he had spent considerable time in Bible study and prayer to prepare those lessons.  It was only in their advanced years that I discovered that they had a daily time of prayer together throughout their married life.  I now know that their faith was something very private to them and that privacy was a generational issue.

When I left home for college, I did little to edify my spiritual life.  Actually, I did a great deal to distance myself from God, but two connections remained.  I was still a fan of God as Designer and Creator.  I even took God’s side in an argument that arose in a Chemistry lab.  We were working in teams at our lab table, when a student at an adjacent table started making negative comments about belief in God.  At some point, I had enough and jumped into the discussion and defended faith in God.  The situation became heated and nasty.  I obviously did little to enhance my stance.

I also had a persistent interest in the cross.  I often thought, “Why the cross?”  That usually happened around Good Friday each year.  On Good Friday, I had the habit of finding a chapel that was open and would go in and pray.  I would ponder the meaning of the cross, but made little headway.  That annual trip to the chapel was the only spiritual practice that I did regularly during those years.  My attention and energy were spent on academics and physical development.  My studies were going well, and l was getting stronger each year.  I enjoyed working out as a break from studies.  I started a fitness program in our dorm.  When time allowed, I would engage in various sports like track, gymnastics, baseball, intramural football, and rugby just to keep in some kind of condition.

During my last year of undergraduate studies and my first year of graduate school, I became a dorm counselor.  I had 60 young men that I was responsible for.  The job description was simple, “Maintain an atmosphere conducive to studying”.  I don’t remember anyone telling me how to do that, but they provided my room and board and some money for books.  Plus, I had my own room with a bathroom.  With those benefits and my summer jobs, I actually made money going to college my last two years!

One would think, with things going well, that I was in great shape.  But I was perplexed by two questions.  First, I wondered about my purpose in life.  I had a good career awaiting my graduation, but what would I be accomplishing of lasting value?  I often asked myself, “Is this all there is to life?”  That question haunted me for years.  Second, was the morality question.  I had enough spiritual background to know that things were going on that weren’t right.  For example, I had developed a foul mouth and a temper that even embarrassed my friends.  I had alienated far too many people with my self- centered  actions, words, and attitudes.  I knew I needed to change direction, but I wasn’t sure how.  The irony was that I was supposed to be giving direction to the students on my floor.  I was expected to be a positive role model for them!  How absurd!  I cringe when I think of them following my example.

Finally, one night, I was driven to my knees by those two questions.  I was in my bedroom on my knees.  I cried out to God, “God, I know there is more to life than this, and I know the direction of my life isn’t right.  But I don’t know what to do about it.  Help me.”  That was all I knew how to pray.  I went to bed. 

The next morning, someone knocked on my door.  It was a student from across the hall.  He had come to the university as a top running back recruit from Lima, Ohio.  When he first showed up, he was a loud mouthed, obnoxious, freshman who turned me off so badly that I avoided being anywhere near him.  But during the summer after his freshman year, he was in a severe industrial accident that almost killed him.  A staff member from Campus Crusade for Christ went to see him in the hospital and shared the Gospel with him.  He was transformed by the grace of God and returned to campus after a long recovery.  He ended up being assigned to the room across the hall from mine.

I watched with amazement as he demonstrated the sincerity of his new life before our eyes.  He went on to be the student leader of Campus Crusade for Christ.  When I opened the door and saw who it was, I immediately invited him in and asked him to sit down.  I told him of my prayer the night before.  I explained to him that I wished his input because of his faith.  He explained the Gospel to me, including the cross.  He let me know the decision that was before me.  I could decide to follow Jesus or keep going my own way.  I thanked him for his thoughts and told him I would consider what he had said.  He left and to this day, I have no idea why he came to my door that morning.  I considered carefully the decision to follow the Lord or keep going as I had been.  I decided to follow Jesus. 

I started attending the Crusade meetings.  They discipled me for the rest of the year.  They were very patient.  Eventually, they had me share my decision with the group.  Later, the student in charge of speaking teams asked me if I would be interested in speaking to a group.  I was hesitant because I was nervous about being in front of crowds, but I agreed.  Then he told me I was to address 500+ inmates at the Mansfield State Penitentiary.  I survived and was asked to speak to other groups across Ohio.  During that year, the Lord made it clear that He was calling me to Christian service.  I finished up my Master’s Degree in Structural Engineering and then entered seminary at a school 30 miles north of campus.  During that same year I met my wife.  We dated that year and found out she was fine with the leading the Lord was giving me.  My parents were stunned when I told them that I was entering seminary after graduating as an engineer.  They had many questions, but supported my choice. My engineering professors had a difficult time with my choice and expressed their concern. 

The first year of seminary was interesting.  I was still being discipled on weekends by Campus Crusade.  The seminary classes raised more questions than they answered.  I had little Biblical background, so I was “raw” as to spiritual matters.  I was starting from scratch when it came to church history, Biblical studies, church polity, etc.   I had two degrees in Structural Engineering and yet, I felt like a high school freshman in seminary.  The folks at the seminary were very kind to me, but it became apparent that what I was being taught about the Bible and the Christian life was not agreeing with what I was reading in the Scriptures and experiencing in my early walk with the Lord as a part of Campus Crusade.  A friend suggested I look into Asbury Seminary near Lexington.  I visited and loved the place.  Sandy and I were married that summer and we moved to Asbury Seminary that fall.  I was delighted with the studies and community.  The chapel services were like heaven on earth.  I couldn’t have asked for better professors.  In many cases, students weren’t the only ones in the classroom.  Lay people would come and sit around the edge of the classroom just to hear great teaching.  Dr. Robert Coleman, the author of “Masterplan for Evangelism” was my professor of evangelism.  Often, the class would close with everyone on their knees worshipping God with all their hearts.  I had never experienced anything like those classes.  I even made it through Greek classes.  Dr. Coleman would take some of us who had a hunger for evangelism into Nicolasville every Friday night to do one on one evangelism in the streets and bars.  We would meet at the local Methodist Church for prayer and then spend hours talking with folks about the Lord.  It was an honor to spend hours side by side with Dr. Coleman sharing our faith.

Finances were a struggle.  Sandy’s teaching wasn’t earning as much as one would expect, so I went to the head of the Science Dept. of the College across the street from the seminary.  When they saw my credentials, I was hired to head up the Physics Dept. and to teach Engineering Mechanics.  The Physical Education Dept. also hired me to teach Physical Fitness.  Those jobs eased the financial burden, but then time became an issue.  I was in school full time.  The college was well known for preparing students for medical school and Physics was vital to that preparation if they were to pass the entrance exams, so the teaching load was substantial.  I also pastored a small Methodist Church outside of town near the Kentucky River.  It was during those days that our oldest son, Eric, entered the picture.  As you might expect, things were hectic.  But those years were delightful.  We had our little family.  The community was like nothing we’d ever experienced.  We made friends with some of the finest people on earth, some of whom we still have contact with today.  Each year the faculty of the college had a retreat before the fall classes began.  We met in the basement of a lodge at a park.  We were challenged one evening to surrender all to the Lord and give the Holy Spirit full reign in our hearts.  Some refer to that surrender as being “filled with the Spirit”.  Some call it “sanctification”.  I’m satisfied with any of those terms.  I just know that when we were singing “Higher Ground”, I laid it all out before the Lord and told Him it was all His and I wanted to follow Him wherever He led.   His presence was never stronger. 

As I approached graduation, I entered discussions with a friend we knew in Columbus, Dr. James Engel who was a well-known professor of Marketing at OSU.  We discussed the idea of starting a Faculty Emphasis ministry as part of Campus Crusade.  He discussed the possibility with Dr. William Bright who founded Campus Crusade.  It was approved, and Sandy and I were soon on our way to be trained as Crusade staff with an emphasis on faculty.  We spent the summer after graduation from seminary in San Bernardino at Crusade headquarters.  We were both accepted as staff and assigned to the northern Illinois area.  During those years, campuses across the country were in chaos.  There were more riots and marches than classes, but the movement for Christ thrived.  It was the beginning of the Jesus Movement.  Students quickly became disenchanted with violence and anarchy and were turning to Jesus.  Faculty were interested in what was happening faith wise, so my job involving them in the spiritual lives of students was made much easier.  My main job was to travel the Big Ten area and involve Christian faculty in the efforts to reach students by their testimonies and support.  We  developed ways to win faculty to Christ and disciple them.  I also had opportunities to reach out to students.  During each week we filled one of the largest churches in town with hundreds of students who were mostly new believers and discipled them using the material developed by Dr. Bright.  Each year we saw a dozen or more students go into full time Christian service.

One night, during those years, I had a dream that impacted the rest of my life.  I dreamed I was standing on a plain.  Behind me was a cliff.  At the bottom of the cliff were rocks and crashing waves. In front of me I saw a mass of people running toward the cliff. I charged at them, waving my arms and telling them to stop and turn around or they would be destroyed on the rocks below.  Some stopped, but others kept going in spite of my attempts to grab them.  Then I awoke.  I was drenched in sweat and out of breath.  As I pondered that experience, I realized it was more than just a dream.

Most of our years with Crusade were spent in Dekalb, Illinois.  We became involved in a Wesleyan Church there.  Eventually, I entered the denomination as a pastor and served in that capacity for decades.  We had our second son, Kurt, while pastoring in the Chicagoland area. Our family took four years where Sandy and I served as teachers at the Wesleyan Academy in Puerto Rico.  The responsibilities expanded as I started to teach at the Bible College, coached track, became mission coordinator, and served as a Baseball Chaplain for a semi-pro baseball team on the island.

In 1985, I was serving as a pastor.  I began to spend some time each month ministering in the county jail.  The churches I pastored after that all agreed that I should continue to minister at the local county jail.  That continued until 2000 when I accepted an offer to be a fulltime chaplain at the DuPage County Jail in the Chicagoland area.  The job expanded to include directing the criminal rehab program at the same facility.  I served in those two capacities until 2009 when we moved to Texas.  Soon after that move, I accepted a position as a corporate chaplain with Marketplace Chaplains.  I also fill the pulpit at two campuses of Crossroads Church on a fairly regular basis.

This year marks my 50^th year of ministry since my graduation from seminary.  My desire is that I can continue to minister for the Lord for many more years.  There is no greater joy than sharing the Gospel and watching what happens when people respond positively.

As I look back on those years, I can say with confidence that my most important decision was when I chose to transition from a fan to a follower of the Lord.  I have enormous gratitude to the Lord for the very special people He brought into my life over the years…my parents and family, my wife and sons, the wonderful teachers, mentors, co-workers, and leaders with whom I have served.  Praise His Holy Name.