PILLARS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

As my wife and I approach our 50^th Anniversary, I thought it appropriate to record what we consider to be the pillars of a successful marriage.  I’ve used these truths in many wedding ceremonies and in marriage counseling for decades, but now I’ve decided to put them in writing.  Here are the four pillars of a successful marriage:

COMMITMENT

Each spouse must be committed to the marriage completely.  They need to devote themselves to making it work.  Don’t allow the thought of ending the marriage enter the world of possibility at any time.  Concentrate on making it better and deeper with each challenge that comes up.  The marriage ceremony is a perfect place for each spouse to publically testify to their commitment to the relationship.  But, that is just the beginning.  As the marriage progresses, the commitment should be reaffirmed regularly in a thousand different ways.

TRUST

Trust takes a very long time to build.  But, it can be damaged in moments.  Each spouse needs to be assured that they can trust the other.  Trust doesn’t just happen automatically or quickly.  That’s why significant time together is needed before stepping into a marriage relationship.  Since trust can be easily damaged, it is critical that each spouse goes to great lengths to avoid any appearance that they can’t be trusted.  In successful marriages, spouses will help one another to avoid danger.  And the other spouse will heed the advice given.

HONOR

This is probably the most missing ingredient in marriages today.  It is to say to your spouse in a hundred different ways, “you are very important to me!.  If someone you honor comes to your home, how do you treat them?  You listen to them intently.  You give them your attention.  You are sensitive to their needs and wants.  You give them your time.  You treat them with respect.  Those are just some of the ways you communicate how important they are to you.  You honor your spouse by doing the same.

AGAPE LOVE

There are many types of love in marriage.  There is physical love.  There is familial love… that is love between family members.  Sometimes it’s called brotherly love.  But the Bible adds Agape Love.  Agape is sacrificial love that has a divine source.  It’s not very natural to us as humans.  We need God’s help with this kind of love.  It’s described best in 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible.  It is very obvious, as you read that description of Agape, that we each need God’s help if we are going to live out such actions.  That’s why God needs to be involved in each successful marriage.  It is only in Him that we find such sacrificial love.

 

There you have the four pillars of a successful marriage.  I think of them as four legs of a chair.  If any of them is broken or missing, the chair will be unstable.  We need all four legs to be strong to give stability.